Anxiety

Neuroses!

Like I said a couple of posts ago, I'm not really digging my new job. In the grand tradition of breakups, I want to tell them "It's not you, it's me." And for those of you saying to yourselves, "She has an office with real walls, what could be so bad?", I wanted to clarify exactly how crazy I really am so that you can see why this job has put me right on the border of a big bad breakdown.

Neurosis #1

I can't initiate contact with people, especially on the phone.

I don't have a logical reason why. That's why it's neurotic. The only people I can call are my parents, Becca, Steve and Nate. Maybe 911. Beyond the telephone, panicky thoughts can arise when I'm faced with asking a store clerk for a different size, ordering Starbucks or cheerily poking my head in to say good morning to my co-workers.

Why This Is Bad For Work

Phone calls are apparently my "calling" at work. (Haha, get it?) It seems that almost every day someone has found a new reason to call up all 100 team captains to tell them some innane detail of "Team Week", "Blitz Day" or pickle delivery. Also, I've called every health club in Phoenix to find out if it's ok if I bring them a poster.

Neurosis #2

I'm paranoid.

This presents itself in a variety of forms, including but not limited to: hypochondria, some phobias, and thinking I have something on my face. Many a night I've made Steve look at a bruise to see if it looked somehow like a bloodclot or check downstairs to make sure the door really is locked.

Why This Is Bad For Work

I'm already convinced all the team captains, 75% of my co-workers, and 50% of the MS150 committee hate me, or at the very least, have a strong distaste for me. Also, when I'm doing deliveries I'm scared that every man I see is either the Baseline Killer or the sniper.

Neurosis #3

I have a strong distaste for schmoozy people.

I'm not sure if this is really a neuroses, but individuals that most people find "charming" and "outgoing" are people that I find annoying, unprofessional and oftentimes they do not turn out to be the brightest crayons in the box. (Case in point: W)

Why This Is Bad For Work

Apparently development = schmoozing. I thought I could get away with just being polite and genuine, but from what I've found, that's not at all attractive in the biz. They need the girl who says "Oh, Mr. Smith, I'm so so so excited to meet you. I've heard your quite a ladies' man and I can tell why! HAHAHA. No but seriously... We have to have lunch sometime and you'll tell me how you stay looking so young." But what I say is, "Hi Mr. Smith. I'm Rachel. Do you have any questions about the ride? No? Good."

Sidenote: For some reason when I was writing Mr. Smith I could only think of Kevin Smith. And Kevin Smith wouldn't buy any of that schmoozy bull... stuff.

Neurosis #4

I use humor as a defense mechanism. Case in point: this blog. When you get tired of crying yourself to sleep at night, and you haven't eaten a real meal in three days, the only way to deal is with sarcastic comments and a Kevin Smith reference.

Why This Is Bad For Work

Because I'm trying to write witty blogs at 1 a.m. rather than sleeping. Guess I won't be fresh as a schmoozy daisy tomorrow.

posted by Rachel at 12:18 AM