tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89045342024-03-08T17:13:11.771-07:00AnxietyRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.comBlogger100125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-30743535289995460562007-04-26T10:22:00.000-07:002007-04-26T10:25:03.331-07:00Farewell AnxietyHello <a href="http://commercialzen.blogspot.com">Commercial Zen</a>. I will most likely be blogging on Steve and I's <a href="http://commercialzen.blogspot.com">new joint venture</a> far more than this blog, so update your Bloglines please.<br /><br />And don't worry, there will still be plenty of anxiety in my life...Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-39433675018000805782007-04-09T15:37:00.000-07:002007-04-09T16:23:35.733-07:00SUPER-ficialIt seems like latey my conversations with everyone I know have been at the lowest common denominator. I end up discussing work and how it's busy but fine, which TV show was kind of funny this week, and weather in Flagstaff (with people I actually like). It's been really frustrating because I hate feeling like I'm just going through the motions with people. I'm usually really interested in what everyone is thinking and feeling, so how come I end up stuck in this rut?<br /><br />After some thought, I decided that it was me. Why do I expect people to open up when I give the one word answers just like the rest of them.<br /><br />Them: How is work?<br />Me: Fine<br /><br />Them: Are you liking Flagstaff?<br />Me: Yeah<br /><br />Them: What's new?<br />Me: Nothing<br /><br />So without furter ado, and after the longest blog introduction ever, I give you more than you ever wanted to know about my life:<br /><br />We had a fairly ridiculous heating bill this month because someone (I'm guessing me) bumped the thermostat and turned the heat all the way up to 90. We were sleeping with the windows open and talking about how crazy it was that spring had made our place warm up so quickly. I'm not sure exactly how long it was like that, but it was not cool.<br /><br />My boss is really cool. Maybe it just seems so dramatic because I'm comparing her to the last witch, but she is funny and she takes me seriously and it's just so much better. Last Thursday at the end of the day she showed me a South Park clip that her significant other had sent her that was totally inappropriate. It was awesome.<br /><br />We really want people to visit us. We have lists of specific places that we want to show each person who could potentially come to Flagstaff. We know that it usually makes the most sense for us to visit other people, but it makes me kind of sad to watch our guest room collecting dust after we were so excited that we could finally offer people a room to stay in. (Allison, Dennis and my parents, while they are welcome to come any time, are exempt from the guilt trip because they have been here and done that.)<br /><br />I'm excited to go to Montana for Kyler's graduation. Even though it will be an extremely short trip (I think we'll be there for about 52 hours total), I'm really glad that I am able to go. My extended family made it a point to be at my graduation even though they had to travel thousands of miles round trip. I feel like being there for Ky is the least I can do to show my appreciation for how supportive they were of me.<br /><br />Last night I had a dream that I was on the LOST island, and the secret of "The Others" was that they were all magicians, which was apparently scary. They wanted Claire's baby to learn how to run, but that didn't make sense for a baby to run, so she was trying to teach the baby how to drive instead.<br /><br />Ok, I think that's enough. Now everyone needs to give me a deep, long-winded comment about themselves...Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-5160335573413967962007-04-05T22:49:00.000-07:002007-04-05T23:05:36.567-07:00It's 10:50, do you know where your children are?I have hit the point tonight where I no longer feel the least bit tired. I was completely exhuasted when I got home from work, but now I could do laundry, run a couple of miles, and start finding a solution for global warming... Not that I will. I'll probably just keep watching the Simpsons and blogging. TV is good since TV is the enemy of thinking, and thinking is the enemy of sleeping.<br /><br />There's really not much to report besides the fact that we've been eating vegetarian food (which Steven already reported), and that work has been busy but fine. I'm not very happy about not getting spring break, or summer break, or Christmas break anymore. Two weeks of vacation barely seems like anything, especially when you break it up and take it a few days at a time.<br /><br />I am excited to go to California this summer. I feel like doing something crazy. I'm happy that we're responsible adults and all, but enough is enough...Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-17353590860605919312007-03-21T11:01:00.000-07:002007-03-21T11:06:19.117-07:00Ramblings<strong>Half marathon here I come…</strong><br /><br />I have made myself a crazy 42 week training calendar for the half marathon in January. I have scheduled four runs four per week of varying lengths which will gradually increase until D-day. The long runs are all on Saturdays, so if we visit anywhere for a weekend, expect us to have a mapmyrun.com map handy.<br /><br />The whole thing reminds me of getting a syllabus on the first day of class and thinking, “There’s no way I’m ever going to get all of this done!” But broken down into smaller chunks it seems semi-manageable. The runs for the next five weeks are pretty short, which is good because my body still needs to get used to the idea that I’m going to make it run at all.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Can’t I just change over to compact fluorescent bulbs and not get so dirty?</strong><br /><br />Yesterday I helped a couple of people from my office clean up the section of the urban trail system that we had adopted. At first I thought it was nice to be outside, but usually these clean-ups just end up with me wanting to punch out anyone who litters. It’s not the uplifting, feel-good kind of community service.<br /><br />On my walk I found:<br />• About a million cigarette butts<br />• Partially empty cans/bottles of very cheap beer<br />• Two half-smoked joints<br />• A Keystone can that had been made into a bong<br />• Half a condom (?)<br />• A slightly bloody band-aid<br /><br />It was gross. <br /><br /><br /><strong>Political/Comic musings</strong><br /><br />So lately I’ve been thinking about why I believe what I believe politically, specifically why I can’t be one of those “take care of your own” kind of people. I understand that if everyone in the global community had equal access to resources, taking care of your own family or micro-community may be the way to go. But we in the United States dominate more than our share of global resources, which is why we are one of the most powerful countries in the world.<br /><br />And that made me think of Spider-Man, and the whole “with great power comes great responsibility” thing. In fact, pretty much every super-hero or protagonist in any of our stories, myths, and legends learns that whatever power he/she has must be used for the greater good (please excuse my Joseph Cambpell moment). So why would this principle, which has been passed down through the ages, not be applied to the country as well as to the individual? We have the power to change the world for the better, to protect those who cannot protect themselves and provide for those who cannot provide for themselves. And by joining together as group, rather than individuals, we increase our power. <br /><br />The most frustrating thing to me is that we only apply this principle to war. We know that we have the greatest power with a governmentally-organized military. After terrorists strike, you would never hear one of our conservative leaders say, “Well, try take care of your own family, because we don’t support big government. If you want to go after these terrorists, buy a gun and a plane ticket and do what you will.” <br /><br />But when it comes to protecting the global community in other ways – health care, economic support, education, etc. – it suddenly becomes an individual issue. “You need to figure out how to get health care for your own family, and if you can’t, it’s probably because you’re lazy and don’t have a good job.” Or, “If you want to help out people dying around the world because they don’t have access to clean water, that would have to be done through a private donation.”<br /><br />It may sound hokey, but why can’t we use this power that we have been given responsibly? Why can’t we band together for peace, open-mindedness, preservation of our planet, elimination of poverty and disease, education and learning, and community? Why can’t we invest in countries to support their own sustainability, which would lead to a better quality of life for their people?<br /><br />One person can make a difference, but 250 million strong could do much more.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-10824431835456323372007-02-20T16:51:00.000-07:002007-02-20T16:56:51.078-07:00MASH for your most deeply held beliefs…Out of all the things that trouble me on a daily basis, the quest for spiritual truth is probably always at the forefront. I think a lot of people experience some sort of doubt in the area of spirituality or religion, but I find it plaguing me as I desperately hoping to find the “right” answer.<br /><br />So when I stumbled across this “What spiritual type are you?” quiz, I thought I’d give it a shot. Hey, if a 25 question survey can tell me what I think, then more power to it. But what I found is that all of the questions it asked were the questions that I haven’t been able to answer. The only help it provided was narrowing it down to four choices and making me pick one.<br /><br />And then what was my final result?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.beliefnet.com/boards/discussion_list.asp?boardID=760">Spiritual Straddler</a> – One foot in traditional religion, one foot in free-form spirituality<br /><br />Thanks again for being so helpful, Internet. I could have told you that I had no idea what I thought before I took the quiz. I guess I need to remember that there is value in the search. And as hard as it may be, I need to recognize that I may never have all the answers. Even if God appeared to me right now and we chatted about the meaning of life and the afterlife and what my individual purpose was, I’d probably check myself into the loony bin immediately following, because in my head God and I just shared white chocolate mochas and waxed philosophical.<br /><br />I do miss talking about spirituality though. It was so much a part of my growing up, and now it's really not on my radar as much. Hearing other people's views of the world and who God was and why we were here was always very comforting to me, even if their views were much different than mine... It's kind of like when you hear a lot of different people's views of some person you've never met, and then when you finally meet them, you can see all those different aspects. Or something like that.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-69231211687280133382007-02-18T17:18:00.000-07:002007-02-18T18:59:13.891-07:00Training Day 1: It must be the altitude...".... and even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through..."<br /><br /><I>Wow! Running's not so bad. It's beautiful scenery. I'm getting healthy. I can do this. Two miles is going to fly by.</I><br /><br /><br />"...and another one gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust..."<br /><br /><I>Hmmm... it's been a long time since I've really run like this. I forgot how it makes your chest hurt and your sides hurt and the cold air really burns. Even my teeth hurt. But I'm sure we've gone almost a mile now... Wait, .25 miles? Are you f-ing kidding me?</I><br /><br /><br />"...falling down the mountain, end up kissing dirt..."<br /><br /><I>I always thought it said "and I'm kissing ducks." But that's pretty much what I'm doing right now, isn't it? This is hard.</I><br /><br /><br />"...and I'll smile and you'll wave, we'll pretend it's ok..."<br /><br /><I>I'm dying! I'm dying! Did that girl just lap us? Why is she not dying? Stupid girl. I hope she trips on a big rock.</I><br /><br /><br />"...I wrote the gospel of giving up, but the real bombshells have already sunk..."<br /><br /><I>F this. This is ridiculous. I can't do this at all anymore. If anyone who knew me heard that I was going to try to run a half marathon, they'd laugh. I haven't even mastered casual walking let alone trying to run. Even my mom seems skeptical of this idea, and she thinks that if Becca wants to be a wombat when she's older, we should support her dream. Why am I even trying? I'm not a runner. I'm not athletic. I suck, I suck, I suck.</I><br /><br /><br />"...and the bass keeps runnin' runnin' and runnin' runnin'..."<br /><br /><I>That's the only thing that's running anymore. I'm seeing black spots. How much longer?</I><br /><br /><br />"...acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends, I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour..." <br /><br /><I>Running is so not punk rock. And I guess neither is working for a university in a quiet little mountain town. Then again, this song really isn't either. Not their best album. Must keep running.</I><br /><br /><br />"...runnin' down the avenue, see how the sun shines brightly in the city, on the streets where once was pity..."<br /><br /><I>Ok, just keep focusing on how nice it is. Oh great. Another girl who can actually run. Don't you feel special? And you have absolutely no VPL even in spandex pants. Dumb skank.</I><br /><br /><br />"...she's always running from something so many things ignored, I try to be not like this but I thought it'd make a good song..."<br /><br /><I>Is there any chance I'm going to do all of this again tomorrow?</I><br /><br /><br />So yeah, there are my ipod-interrupted reflections on the whole experience. If you can name all the artists and songs, you will win my self-respect. I'm realizing I've never done anything like this before. I've never really done anything that required this much forethought and work and discipline. I'm hoping I'll make it. Especially with being a good person being on the line. Argh!<br /><br />*I accept no responsibility for music choices while running or the gratuitious comments by the voice in my head.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-20145634759233067122007-02-12T16:44:00.000-07:002007-02-08T16:51:40.208-07:00Maybe the first time opening my big mouth led to something useful...<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Over the weekend, I asked Steve if there were any organizations that planned mission trips that weren't really mission trips (or more specifically, a mission-type trip where you actually help people instead of just handing out Bibles like the Starvin' Marvin South Park). Something like a very brief stint in the peace corps. Since we already wanted to do some international travel, I figured this would be cool on a couple of levels:</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><ol><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You'd get to know people from the culture you were visiting, and not just on the superficial, talking-to-one-concierge-that-speaks-English-at-the-Marriott-where-you're-staying kind of way.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">If you spend a lot of money traveling, it won't feel quite as selfish.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">There would be organizers who would know where hospitals were, what shots you needed, how to get your paperwork, what kind of bug spray works best, and they might even have emergency PB & J if I can't handle Malawian food for two weeks straight.</span></li></ol><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So I did a little research in the last 15 minutes or so and found out that </span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><a href="http://www.habitat.org/gv/">Habitat for Humanity Global Village</a> organizes trips all over the world to build houses. I did something similar a few summers ago (well, like 8 years) and it was a lot of fun. It was very rewarding to see a house actually come together and know that you might be a tiny bit responsible for that (I mostly painted and mixed cement). I'm still looking at what some other options might be, but I'm excited that this type of thing exists!</span></p>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-42228964747606071202007-02-01T16:34:00.000-07:002007-02-01T16:50:50.240-07:00An Inconvenient Truth...<span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">...was such a perfect title because that's exactly what it is. While the world was getting its scientific knowledge of "climate change" or "global warming" from politicians and biased media, we have continued to do irrepairable damage to our planet. And now...</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /></span><blockquote><p><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Tomorrow the United Nations-backed Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) will release a major report with grim predictions for the coming decades, according to journalists who have seen draft versions of the paper.<br /><br />If the IPCC's recent track record is any indication, the predictions will be no exaggeration, according to an analysis posted today on the Web site of the journal Science. </span><br /></span></p></blockquote><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><blockquote><a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/02/070201-global-warming.html"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Read more:</span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;"> </span><a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/02/070201-global-warming.html"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">National Geographic</span></a><a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/02/070201-global-warming.html"></blockquote></span></a><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">Which brings me back to Al Gore's movie. Criticize all you want, but I think he did an excellent job of presenting the facts and offering </span><a href="http://www.climatecrisis.net/takeaction/"><span style="font-family:verdana;">simple ways that we can all make a difference</span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;">. Changing to energy efficient light bulbs or buying a car that gets better gas mileage are small changes that can make a huge impact. Sorry to go all hippie on you, but I don't understand how protecting our planet is really a political/partisan/polarized issue.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">Side note: Since climate change is a huge threat to our country and the world, could we get some Homeland Security funding for a hybrid car?</span></p><blockquote><a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/02/070201-global-warming.html"></a></blockquote></span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-88663826751250932642007-01-30T10:55:00.000-07:002007-01-30T10:58:58.623-07:00Why Russ Feingold is my political boyfriend...<blockquote><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Feingold has gathered various legal and other experts to testify, but the result is a foregone conclusion. "I am going to lay out the reality that Congress does have this power," Feingold said. "The president does not have the unilateral power to (continue the war) without our consent." </span><br /> <br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Feingold said a cutoff of funding six months after the law is enacted "makes sense, it is constitutional, and our troops will not be left in the lurch." </span><br /> <br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Under Feingold's plan, the administration would have to safely redeploy troops from Iraq except for those needed to target counter-terrorism operations and provide security for U.S "infrastructure and civilian personnel" there, and a "limited number" to train Iraqi security services. </span></blockquote><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><br /><a style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/01/30/politics/main2413236.shtml">Feingold Ups The Ante On Iraq Funding </a>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-47742180839916366522007-01-22T16:42:00.000-07:002007-01-22T16:52:57.844-07:00Many Mini Blogs<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I have too much to say and can’t narrow it down to one thought. But, this will probably have to hold you over for a week or two, so read slowly.<br /><br /><strong>23 is the new 22…</strong><br /><br />…only better. After mourning my old glory days, I realized that I didn’t have any. I have always been fundamentally uncool, and as such, can have no old glory days to mourn. The good news is, my glory days must still be ahead.<br /><br />Despite being uncool, I was lucky enough to have some good friends and we had fun in our own uncool ways. And now, being 23 and older and wiser, I have realized that us uncool folk are in the majority, and since most of the cool people from our past are now divorced and working at Denny’s, we become cool by default. So that’s cool.<br /><br />I think I’m done using the word cool for about a year now.<br /><br /><br /><strong>The best part of being married...</strong><br /><br />…besides all the being in love with Steve stuff is being an aunt. With the arrival of Zoe a week ago today, I have five nieces and nephews in all. (It bothers me that they don’t have a word that combines nieces and nephews like siblings does for sisters and brothers.) What’s interesting is how they can all be so different, even though they’re from the same family. Although, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised since Becca and I are related. Anyway, it’s completely amazing and I feel very lucky to be a part of all of their lives.<br /><br /><br /><strong>That being said…</strong><br /><br />…here are some of Steve’s and my (and Nate’s) possible pre-child(ren) travel plans:<br /><br />2007 – California Disneyland & surf trip; Nebraska/Montana family trips<br />2008 – Fiji, New Zealand and Southeast Asia<br />2009 – New York – opening of the new Citi stadium<br />2010 – Mediterranean – Spain, Italy, Greece and other southern European countries<br />2011 – Vancouver, after it has been all spruced up for the 2010 winter Olympics<br />2012 – Costa Rica<br /><br />For those of you keeping track at home, this would bring me to the ripe old age of 29. I think that sounds like a good age for someone to start calling me Mom.</span>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1168280970041143152007-01-08T11:28:00.000-07:002007-01-08T11:29:30.056-07:00Quarter-Life CrisisHave I already claimed to have had one of these? Maybe this is my second. Not second quarter. Second crisis. Anyway… I’m having some issues with the prospect of turning 23. (At this point I’m happy I’m blogging so that the 24+ crowd can’t knock my teeth in.) It’s not that that 23 seems ridiculously old, it just definitely feels like a chapter in my life has ended. I’m no longer a student, I have a husband, I have car payments, I’m drinking coffee every morning and sometimes the music these darn kids are listening to today just sounds like noise to me.<br /><br />Knowing how final it feels to have this chapter end has made me consider the prospect of all of the future chapters ending. There’s just something about it that feels so final. I think about having kids, and how my Not-Being-A-Mom chapter will abruptly come to a close. And I’m sure being a mom will be amazing and wonderful, but then I will never not be a mom again. And even being alive. Someday that chapter (or maybe it’s the whole book) will end. And even if the afterlife is perfect, I will never be living this life again.<br /><br />It’s such a strange dichotomy, how things must end in order for things to begin. Right now I’m mourning the part of my life that has already passed. I guess the fact that I’m missing all the wonderful experiences I had is a statement to having lived well. Hopefully by my actual birthday, I will be over it and able to celebrate all of the good things that are just beginning.<br /><br />Quote for the day: “I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.” – Mitch Hedberg<br /><br />For a completely different perspective, check out my <a href="http://rjh33.blogspot.com/2005_01_01_rjh33_archive.html">Being a Grown Up</a> entry from when I turned 21. <br /><br />And no, this wasn’t just a completely cheap attempt to remind everyone that my birthday is coming up.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1164939775071212542006-11-30T19:20:00.000-07:002006-11-30T19:22:55.093-07:00Pathetic!I just had a conversation with my mom where almost all of the things I said either started with "I read in Prevention that..." or "I saw this TV show where..." It made me realize that I probably need to get out more. One story even started with "I was watching Tyra and..." But right now, I need to finish crocheting a sweater for my cat and watch my stories.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1164077822963277262006-11-20T19:51:00.000-07:002006-11-20T19:59:25.346-07:00Happy Semi-Anniversary to Us!<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6379/626/1600/IMG_5262.0.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6379/626/400/IMG_5262.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><br />I just realized that Steve and I have been married for six whole months as of today. I love you Stevie!Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1164004853824418562006-11-19T23:11:00.000-07:002006-11-19T23:40:53.836-07:00Self Help My Bum -or- Maybe I'm More Screwed Up Than I ThoughtSteve went to a presentation on Friday about balancing work and life. The speaker discussed how we all trade in our life energy for money, and it's up to us to figure out how much our life energy is worth or how much we're willing to give up or something like that. Anyway, he brought me back a packet that is supposed to assist you in figuring out what to do with your life. The main question in finding your passions is, "What did you like to do most in kindergarten?" Then you're supposed to use this answer to figure out what you life's work should be...<br /><br />So here's my list. In kindergarten I liked...<br /><br />1. Getting good grades or always having a green card in my pocket instead of a red one.<br /><br />I guess this poses a compelling argument for grad school, but it's not really a life-guiding passion. But what I remember making me the most happy or unhappy was getting the metaphorical gold star.<br /><br /><br />2. Spinning as fast as I could on the tire swing.<br /><br />Hmm... maybe I have a future in Cirque du Soleil, but I kind of doubt it. Or maybe I could have a satisfying career as a wheel.<br /><br /><br />3. Playing with boys on the playground.<br /><br />I'm not even going anywhere with this one...<br /><br /><br />4. Lording things over Becca that I could do that she couldn't.<br /><br />Although this is one of my favorite hobbies, I'm not sure I could make a career out of it.<br /><br /><br />5. Trying to find pretty rocks in the playground dirt.<br /><br />Perhaps I have a promising career as a miner.<br /><br /><br />I do get the point of this exercise. I'm sure that some kids who love to color become artists and maybe some kids who build block bridges become engineers; but just because I liked playing with the hose in the backyard doesn't mean I was meant to be a firefighter. I wish my ideal career path was that obvious, but I don't think it's that easy for most people.<br /><br />Right now I'm caught up in the "I want to help people" trap (as opposed to all the people out there who would rather have a job where they did physical and emotional harm to others). Besides crossing viking and professional torturer off of my list, I'm pretty much back at square one. I know it's a process and it takes time, but I'm impatient. So thanks a lot self-help lady for getting my hopes up.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1163712760688100582006-11-16T13:59:00.000-07:002006-11-16T14:38:04.906-07:00Mini BlogsA lot of thoughts to get out, and I'm too lazy to post multiple posts, so here goes...<br /><br />Not for the faint of heart...<br /><br /><a href="http://health.yahoo.com/media/mayoclinic/images/image_popup/ww5rn83.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px;" src="http://health.yahoo.com/media/mayoclinic/images/image_popup/ww5rn83.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />This is a condition called black hairy tongue. It can happen if you don't brush your teeth or don't eat enough crunchy food. It has been haunting me every since I read about it, so I'm spreading the misery.<br /><br /><br /><br />Something to run about...<br /><br />I've never been a fan of running for the sake of running or running in a perky little group of size 2 women or running because it was the nicest day outside. The last year that I ran regularly was my junior year of high school. It was a rough year; I was breaking my church addiction, I'd lost a lot of friends, and outside of school, my life was pretty much homework and sleep. Then I started running. I'm not sure it was in a healthy way. It was more in a "Can I make the pain of running greater than the pain of life?" type deal. But it got me through. Towards the end of the year I threw myself into newspaper and started hanging out with National Honor Society officers. By senior year, I was happy and busy and conent.<br /><br />Getting to my point, I've started running again. I've developed a pretty steady four mile-a-day habit. Once again I get to run off all of my frustration and occasionally, by the end of the run, things seem clearer. Although, I have to say I'm excited to settle back into Flagstsaff and to not be frustrated enough to run anymore. Then I can do yoga or pilates or kickboxing or other happy exercise again.<br /><br /><br /><br />Flagstaff ho...<br /><br />For those who have been living under a rock, Steve got the job at the Gateway and we are moving back to Flagstaff. Although I will miss one thing about Phoenix (Steve's family), I'm excited to leave the rest behind me. I miss simplicity and spontenaity and always having friends close by. It's hard to explain all the reasons why the move is so important to us, but we do know that we were happier there. Colder, but happier...Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1163111998430074432006-11-09T15:30:00.000-07:002006-11-09T15:39:58.443-07:00Desperate HousewifeWhere the expletive did all of this laundry come from? We each have like two pairs of work pants and maybe five shirts. So how come I'm on load number 8 and still going strong?<br /><br />And the same with dishes. We don't cook all that much. But there are always dirty dishes in the sink. I'm convinced it's some kind of conspiracy.<br /><br />But I guess housework is providing some distraction from the fact that I'm 22 and have already had two failed jobs since graduation and have no real direction for the future. Well, actually I have some direction, and that direction is north. North towards pine trees, short commutes and people with little to no tan.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1162834868696646332006-11-06T09:57:00.000-07:002006-11-06T16:34:45.920-07:00Sayonara witch with a b...Today may go down as one of the worst but most satisfying days in my short life. On Friday, I decided that I would give my two weeks notice on Monday (today). Since my boss, we'll call her "One Whose Parents Apparently Never Hugged Her" or OWPANHH for short, was out of the office on Friday, I emailed her to ask to schedule some time with her on Monday to discuss my future with AAA.<br /><br />I never got a response, but I was determined to do things the right way. I went into work this morning with a very polite, generic letter of resignation and all of my notes that explained everything I do, a goodwill gesture to help her in training my replacement. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt... these things happen in the business world all the time, so it's highly unlikely that she would take it out on my personally. What I really excpected was that she would be almost unbearably passive aggressive, because as I said, apparently her parents never hugged her, but that I could handle.<br /><br />I got into the office at 7:30 and she was already there. She usually doen't show up until 8:30 or shortly thereafter. I said "Good morning!" and she mumbled something in response, never making eye contact. I sat down, turned on my computer and started updating my daily spreadsheets. When I checked my emails, I found that she had written me seven, none of which addressed my request for a meeting, but all of which were making requests for work I had that wasn't supposed to be due for a week or two. All of the requests ended with, "You need to have this to me before you go to lunch."<br /><br />Then the loud phone calls started coming. The first couple were apparently to prospective new employees. "I have a position open immediately. It's entry-level, so I don't really know if you would lower yourself to taking that, but I need someone if you're interested." At this point, it became clear to me that she was trying to set me up. Completely overloading me so that she could say I didn't get work done on time. A noon deadline so that she could get rid of me AFTER I had completed all the busy work she didn't want to do. I was irate.<br /><br />After this there was silence, she walked in and out of her office a few times (through mine) without ever saying a word to me or making eye contact. Then she made the phone call that was the final straw. It was a personal call, asking someone about their kids and their move, then she started in with "I'm sure you've heard about my situation, what she did to me on Friday. Yeah, she actually thought she could get away with it... Right HAHAHA... Yeah, I'm trying to get her replaced right now.... Yeah, really, HAHAHAHA."<br /><br />**Side note: For those who don't know, our offices are attached so she was well aware that I could hear every word.<br /><br />At this point I was done being her punching bag. I wasn't going to give her the chance to put any more notes in my file, or even fire me if that's what she had decided to do. I crafted a nicely-worded letter to HR explaining that I had really wanted to give proper notice but I feared that my boss would make the next two weeks extremely unpleasant and for my own health and happiness, I had to resign immediately. I printed it, attached it to my nice two-week-notice letter, stood up, grabbed my stuff and walked out silently. I dropped off my letters, expense reports, badge and cell phone at the front desk for HR on my way out.<br /><br />I guess I'll never know what happened there after that. Although, considering that she doesn't know how to update the website, or where the RSVPs are for the many events we're having or where my research is for the six or so releases that were supposed to go out this week, she may regret a tiny bit that she couldn't have just treated me like a human being.<br /><br />But for the first time in about three months, I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I went in to face her and try to do the right thing, and I'm proud that I had the guts to stand up and walk out when it became obvious that she wasn't going to allow me to do what was right.<br /><br />Whether this means I get a temp job or I work at Starbucks, this is one decision I don't think I'll ever regret.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1162272738520137402006-10-30T22:28:00.000-07:002006-10-30T22:35:27.426-07:00Prayer or something like it...Dear God, the Universe, the collective consciousness, or whatever else you prefer to be called, <br /> <br />I am not of the opinion that we are merely puppets that are subject to you whims. I don't believe in fate, per se, but I'd like to imagine that you have a hand in guiding us on our paths. But if this is true, I must ask you, what lesson am I supposed to be learning from this current experience? <br /> <br />I ask myself every single day why I seem to be the only one struggling so badly. I understand that compared to many in this world, my burdens are small and insignificant, and yet I find myself sinking. Each day my every flaw is flaunted and rubbed in my face until even I start to believe that I have nothing to offer this world.<br /><br />And so I sit here with no love or humor or happiness left to give and wonder what I'm supposed to be learning from this, and how much more I can take. I’m not sure how much I have left in me. I don’t know how many more smiles I can fake and how many more tears I can hide before it just all becomes too much.<br /><br />I have nothing to ask for, because I’ve been given everything and I still can't make it work. I guess I’m hopeless.<br /><br />Amen.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1161136899533038972006-10-17T18:26:00.000-07:002006-10-17T19:01:39.676-07:00DoormatLately apologizing has become sort of like breathing for me. I apologize to inanimate objects I bump into. I apologized to the lady who slammed the door into me at a restaurant yesterday. Sometimes I apologize randomly, completely out of nowhere. Steve and I will just be walking around a mall, and all of a sudden I can hear the words leaving my mouth for absolutely no reason.<br /><br />It sounds bizarre, but I think it all stems from a desire to be selfless. I am trying to protect everyone's feelings, so consequently I end up accepting fault for things I had nothing to do with. I use the preemptive apology to put an end to any discomfort the other person may be experiencing by placing blame on themself.<br /><br />This has had two unintended consequences:<br /><br />1. It makes me completely resent the people I apologize too, especially when they don't counter with their own apology. If I apologize for a mistake that I'm partially responsible for, and the other person just accepts it without apologizing to me as well, I lose all respect for them. In my mind they immediately turn into a heartless creature who has no respect for other people's feelings. And it is rude. I'm willing to own up to my mistakes, even when they're not really my mistakes. If they're not willing to own up to legitimate faults, then I can feel nothing for them but contempt.<br /><br />2. I start to believe that everything really is my fault. Computer errors. Traffic jams. Illnesses. The situation in the Middle East. I carry with me the burden of believing that if I was somehow better, these things wouldn't happen. And whether it's a consequence of my attitude, or whether I'm just around some really messed up people, I get the feeling that a lot of people around me feel the same way: that I am somehow responsible for every little thing that goes wrong that's even remotely connected to me.<br /><br />It's not a good way to live and I wouldn't recommend it. Trying to please everyone all the time can only mean disappointment, but I can't seem to help myself. And since we've been in Phoenix, it's been worse. Maybe it's becasue Flagstaff was full of touchy-feely hippie types who recognized you when you did something well, but I miss being occasionally told that something wasn't my fault, or even that I did a good job.<br /><br />Author's note: While I appreciate the sentiment, any comment regarding this post that starts with "Look at the brightside" or anything similar will not be regarded kindly.<br /><br /><br />In other news, we went to Flagstaff this past weekend and had a fabulous time with Bryan and Colleen. We got to go to our fifth annual scary movie for Bryan's birthday. The Grudge 2. Very scary. We also go to play Texas Hold 'Em, frisbee and eat a lot of good food. Even though it does have snow, Flagstaff is generally traffic, ego and @$$hole free, making it a place I didn't give nearly enough credit while I was there. Let me take this moment to apologize for all of my anti-Flagstaff posts.<br /><br />Nate's coming to visit this weekend and I can't wait for him to be here! I don't tell him enough, but it means so much to me that he takes the time to fly down and visit. I honestly can't imagine a better friend to have. Hopefully we'll find some fun things to do during the time I don't have to be at Peoria Sports Complex for my bleeping work.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1157868207120495842006-09-09T22:46:00.000-07:002006-09-09T23:06:12.366-07:00Adulthood is the new junior high/Steve's birthdayRemember junior high? A bunch of kids prentending to be cooler and more sophisticated than they really were, talking about how they were adults now and how rough their lives were? Then in high school it slowly started to fade, and by college most people had dropped the whole facade and were happy just being themselves. I, for one, was relieved that I'd never have to re-live the whole junior high experience.<br /><br />But I'm finding the real world, the working world, the adult world is a lot more like junior high than college. I'm sick of people driving around in their BMWs and Escalades with their STUPID blue tooth ear pieces on, sipping on Starbucks and acting like they're better than everyone else. I'm also tired of hearing about how hard everyone's job is. It's a job, it's work. I understand that you're busy because that's what work is. Everyone who has a job is probably a similar amount of busy, so it's not worth talking about.<br /><br />Also, everyone has lost their sense of humor. Since adults are too sophisticated to laugh at "your mom" jokes or dare each other to lick a toilet seat, all that's left to talk about is the weather and how busy we all are. I really hate it. Really really really.<br /><br /><br />For Steve's birthday we're spending a weekend in Sedona and going to Out of Africa to see lions and tigers and bears (oh my!). Not as good as a real African safari, but it is the best Arizona has to offer. Also, we're going on Sunday which is a feeding day.<br /><br />"Follow our animal caretakers on a PREDATOR FEED as they throw 800 pounds of raw food to anxiously awaiting carnivores. This is an opportunity to see how large animals, such as lions and tigers, eat."<br /><br />Now that's a good time!Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1157760878277491372006-09-08T17:04:00.000-07:002006-09-08T17:14:38.290-07:00thought vomit**a direct rip-off of Steve's word vomit...<br /><br /><br />Lynda Carter is Hispanic?<br /><br />According to the Arizona Republic, people who live in apartments are poor, and since they are poor, they are too dumb to know how to recycle.<br /><br />I think they need some kind of voter enewsletter that tells you know exactly where, when and on what you will vote. It should have reminders.<br /><br />I like Janet Napolitano better in person. Except her hair. I know that's shallow.<br /><br />Drama is everywhere. There's no escaping it.<br /><br />I'm happy that my family came to visit. I was coerced into saying this. :-)<br /><br />Maybe Flagstaff wasn't so bad... <br /><br />Steve's birthday present is the coolest present ever. At least I hope so.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1155946552064907362006-08-18T17:06:00.000-07:002006-08-18T17:15:52.076-07:00I'm It1. One book that changed your life? I Am Charlotte Simmons. It at least changed the three-month period after I read it where I was completely depressed.<br /><br />2. One book you have read more than once? 1984. One, because it was really interesting. Two, because I think I managed to do book reports on it every year from 8th grade to senior year.<br /><br />3. One book you would want on a desert island? A really big one I could use as a raft.<br /><br />4. One book that made you laugh? A Prayer for Owen Meany<br /><br />5. One book that made you cry? A Prayer for Owen Meany... It was a very emotion-inducing book.<br /><br />6. One book you wish had been written? The great American novel by a female author.<br /><br />7. One book you wish had never been written? I'm going with Steve. Ann Coulter should not get book deals.<br /><br />8. One book you are currently reading? AAA Policies & Procedures... I also read Inviting Silence recently and think I should read it again. It's a very simple read, but I think the issues are too complex to get in one run.<br /><br />9. One book you have been meaning to read? Angels & Demons. I'm supposed to be borrowing a copy from my Mom, but it looks like I'll have to wait a couple of weeks.<br /><br />10. Now tag five people: I think my supply is tagged outRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1155784788114789482006-08-16T20:16:00.000-07:002006-08-16T20:19:48.126-07:00Boo...So it's getting dangerously close to 12 hours since I have last seen Steve. I don't remember the last time I haven't seen Steve for 12 hours. Even on our wedding day I think it was only like 8. In any case, I don't like it. <br /><br />I hope it's not just a newlywed thing. I hope I always feel like this.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1155246276737246312006-08-10T14:38:00.000-07:002006-08-10T14:44:36.746-07:00Gainfully Employed... Again...Since people are now being referred to my site, I figured I should quickly post something about my new job...<br /><br />I have a new job!<br /><br />My official title is Public Affairs Specialist I for AAA Arizona. I'm going to mainly work on press releases, web site content, media archiving and serve as a back up spokesperson if no one else is availabe. So far, no pickles.<br /><br />I'm approaching this one with cautious optimism. I'm excited, but I'll wait a few weeks before I drop words like ecstatic or love.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904534.post-1155160055124305952006-08-09T14:09:00.000-07:002006-08-09T14:47:35.333-07:00For the love of all that is good in this world...Being unemployed is taking a huge toll on my taste in music. For some reason all day I've just been alternating Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" and Bubba Sparxxx "Ms. New Booty"... It's like my subconscious is telling me, "Fine, if you're going to sit home like a loser you're going to listen to loser music." Although, I have been known to love a Justin Timberlake song or two in my time regardless of employment.<br /><br />Music was the lightest topic I could think of to discuss. Mostly these days my thoughts are filled with questions far too big for blogging. The main one is "Is humanity on the verge of destroying itself? And, if this is the case, what can I do to stop it?" I think I'm about to jump on the "These are the end times!" bandwagon, only minus the getting sucked up to heaven by a God who is so happy that we destroyed the world that he rewards us by saving us from the consequences of our own actions. I understand that my attitude is a tad fatalistic, and I'm sure many would say "Why worry so much about something you can't change?"<br /><br />But that is exactly the problem. There are too many people in this world who are not worried about the consequences of our actions. We are moment by moment altering humany history, and while it is easier to just put thoughts of nuclear war, famine, disease and global warming out of our heads, that means that we are blindly marching towards a fate where we have given up our power to change course.<br /><br />So right now, in this moment, can we honestly say that we feel that it is fine that there are thousands of US detainees around the world who have not been given their right to a trial? Is it ok that Bush administrators are censoring scientific reports in order to coincide with their own agendas? Is it ok that our civil rights are slowly dwindling down to nothing? How soon before we fear our own controlling government more than we fear "terrorism"? And if these issues are not personally affecting us (yet), is it really ok to just ignore them until they do?<br /><br />I've thought a lot about it, and although it's easier to live in blissful ignorance, I'd rather go down fighting.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146087177970102498noreply@blogger.com5