Anxiety

Don't just do something, sit there!

I can't take credit for the title. It was in some article I was reading about change, but it really struck me. Finding myself once again unemployed has made me want to change my approach for the next job search. For instance, maybe rather than just desperately seeking anyone willing to give me a job, I should take a little time to figure out what I want to do. And if I need to be a Starbucks barrista while I figure it out, so be it. (Or maybe Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf?)

Taking time to stop and reflect on what I want to do with my life is really hard for me. I feel like I always need to have tangible evidence of what I am currently accomplishing. Up until now, report cards have basically been my bread and butter. If I ever needed validation that I was still a worthy human being, I could just look at my GPA and feel better.

Now with no impressive job offers, no honors, no recognitions and no report card in sight, I'm finally being forced to deal with my self doubt. What if my only real talent in life is standardized testing and beyond that I'm not even cut out for entry-level administrative work? What can I do that will give me the same sense of accomplishment that school did? What do I really have to offer this world and how am I going to go about it?

I don't have the answers to any of these questions. Honestly the idea of pursuing any of them very far scares me quite a bit. But I must face my fears and just sit there. Sit quietly and try to find the meaning of my life.

posted by Rachel at 6:11 PM