428 Days Later...
Last night I realized my official wedding freak out had begun. I had not one, but two dreams about the blessed event that brought me into full panic mode. It was the day of the wedding and we still had not chosen a location. We drove around aimlessly looking for a church or park or home that would take us in, but we couldn't find a place. When we finally found a church, they were having Sunday morning worship but agreed to put us in one of the back rooms. That's when I realized that none of Steve's family was there. He had put off telling them about it, and now it was too late. So my extended family was standing around waiting for a wedding when my cell phone rang. It was Nate and he was telling me he wasn't going to make it because he had work. I told him I understood, but I wanted to cry. I didn't want the wedding to take place like that. Steve's family wasn't there, my friends weren't there, but I was already in my dress and veil and I couldn't stop it.The second dream I had was that I was getting ready and realized I hadn't bought shoes to go with my dress. I got in my car and tried to find a shoe shop but every place I found only carried children's shoes. At one point, I tried to go to Home Depot to make my own shoes, but that didn't work either. Also, my dress was too loose, and I couldn't find anyone who was able to adjust it. I kept asking Becca to help, and she kept saying she would, but then it just never happened. I knew I was holding up the wedding, but I couldn't convince myself to go until everything was perfect.
I have a lot of nervous dreams. I get them every year for about a week before the first day of school, most of the summer before I came to college, and randomly before big tests or deadlines at work. But nervous wedding dreams are setting the record for duration of time before the actual event. These are starting over a year and advance! And that's not counting the dream I had a couple months ago that Steve and I eloped in a smoky, dirty video arcade where some guy who was playing pool married us.
If/when I have children, I will probably need to be institutionalized. I read recently that one of the worst things for your baby while your pregnant (besides drinking, smoking, doing crack lines, etc.) is too much stress. Immediately I stressed out that I would stress out too much while I was pregnant. So now I wonder if I will stress out so much about stressing out that it will create a problem that wasn't even there to begin with. Do you see how my mind doesn't work quite right?
I realize I probably sound like a paranoid nut case, and that's mostly true. I like to plan. I like to have things laid out in front of me. It doesn't stop me from being spontaneous, but its comforting to have a nice, safe plan there in case you need it.
posted by Rachel at
10:13 AM
1 comment(s):
Don't worry, your wedding is going to be beautiful. Although, I think I might steal that whole smoky arcade idea for mine. Nothing says eternal love like a little pre-nuptial pac-man. And I wouldn't stress about stressing the baby...I would be more worried about the baby having the Gaisford forehead...if it's a girl I hope she like bangs.
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Anonymous, at
6:58 AM
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