Anxiety

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Being a Grown Up

I always believed that at some point in my life I would be overwhelmed by a sense of adulthood. There would be a millisecond where everything would change and I would no longer view the world the same way. I waited patiently as the milestones came and went. The independence that came with my driver's license was nice, but not life-alterning. My eighteenth birthday seemed very much like any other birthday, and going off to college made me feel about as changed as going off to camp. When Steve and I got engaged, I was thrilled, but I didn't feel that made me a mature woman. I pay bills, I have a credit card, and I spend about 40 hours a week on school and work. Even ordering my wedding dress made me feel more like a little girl playing dress up than a bride. Today I am 21. I can legally drink, gamble, and do pretty much anything else that supposedly makes you an adult. But these legal abilities did not come hand-in-hand with a greater understanding of the world. All of these thoughts have made me a little panicky. If I don't have the wisdom and confidence that come with adulthood now, will I ever have them? Will I get married, have a career, and potentially have children without ever feeling very much different than I did in junior high? And if I don't feel different, does that mean all of the adults that I had so much respect for and thought of as so far above me don't feel very much different than they did in junior high? Do adults just pretend they have it all together so that everyone younger than them won't panic? This has all just been too much thought for one day. Apparently I should exercise my legal rights and go get a beer and try to forget all of it.

1 comment(s):

Rachel,

I have bad news for you: we're all faking it.

I'm 43; when I see the guys with whom I went to high school or college, I realize we're still the same people. Nothing has changed: we've just gained a little weight, lost a little hair (or greyed), and added a few wrinkles. Welcome to the world of adulthood; it's not much different; added responsibilities, but otherwise it's all the same.

Peace.

((http://tidewatermuse.blogspot.com))

By Blogger Peter A. Stinson, at 5:53 PM  

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