Prayer or something like it...
Dear God, the Universe, the collective consciousness, or whatever else you prefer to be called,I am not of the opinion that we are merely puppets that are subject to you whims. I don't believe in fate, per se, but I'd like to imagine that you have a hand in guiding us on our paths. But if this is true, I must ask you, what lesson am I supposed to be learning from this current experience?
I ask myself every single day why I seem to be the only one struggling so badly. I understand that compared to many in this world, my burdens are small and insignificant, and yet I find myself sinking. Each day my every flaw is flaunted and rubbed in my face until even I start to believe that I have nothing to offer this world.
And so I sit here with no love or humor or happiness left to give and wonder what I'm supposed to be learning from this, and how much more I can take. I’m not sure how much I have left in me. I don’t know how many more smiles I can fake and how many more tears I can hide before it just all becomes too much.
I have nothing to ask for, because I’ve been given everything and I still can't make it work. I guess I’m hopeless.
Amen.
posted by Rachel at
10:28 PM
2 comment(s):
My dearest Rachel,
I am impressed with your ability to express your innermost feelings. It gave me a very strong image of what you must be feeling. I know God has heard your prayer, and if you listen carefully you will know of His response.
I know that God cherishes you as a very special spiritual daughter. He has sent you to be on this Earth at this time for a very specific purpose. He does give us help and guidelines to find that purpose, but it is up to us individually to seek for those answers and to ask Him.
Heavenly Father is not a nebulous energy, but very much a real being, the literal Father of our Spirits, who loves us completely and unconditionally. He has blessed you with a beautiful family, and incredible parents. Your parents love you, tremendously. They love the Lord and have taught you to do the same. Because of these blessings from God, you have a tremendous head start in life, much more than the majority of the people.
Your parents not only love you, they love each other. That has helped you have tremendous role models, so that you were able to choose wisely when you chose a husband. AND, what a husband you have! The two of you were best friends from the beginning. What a gift from God.
Sometimes, when there are so many blessings in life, it’s hard to see them clearly. I know what it is like to be “hopeless”. I remember years of an emotionally painful, lonely marriage. I remember looking in the mirror one day and seeing the face of a miserable soul looking back at me. At first, I did not even recognize that it was me. I no longer had joy in my life – not that it wasn’t there - but only that I could not recognize it, due to all of the pain in my marriage.
These feelings of hopelessness continued even after my divorce. One day, as I was again recognizing my endless misery, I decided to sit down and make a list…. A list of my blessings. Amazingly enough I could not think of anything at first. Then I remembered… I have two of the most amazing children in the world. And, oh yes, I have a mother and brother that love me dearly. And then, I started listing my closest friends, and the beauty of flowers, and all of a sudden I heard birds singing. Birds singing are one of my most favorite things in the world, but I had not heard them in many years. … Not that they weren’t singing…. Only that I had not “heard”.
Since then, each time I have been struggling, I have to remind myself to make another list. I have found that my family and friends are always at the top of the list. I have also found that more often than not, when Heavenly Father wants to send us blessings and miracles, he does it through loving people. I say “loving” people, because they are the ones that count in our lives to keep us feeling positive. Whether it was through tough jobs that made me feel like a total idiot, or through my divorce, or even (and most especially) through the painful loss of my son, the blessings and help come most often through “loving” people.
In my 53 years, dear Rachel, I have learned a lot. I now know that God never leaves us alone. When we get on our knees and pray to our Heavenly Father, He definitely hears us. I recommend asking in your prayers for His help in recognizing His answers. We can actually obtain answers when we listen with our hearts and impressions from the Holy Ghost. Our Father in Heaven loves you, my dear, AND He knows you by Name, and specifically who YOU are. He will help you through this time. Ask Him to lighten your heart and give you strength. You may not see (now) why He is asking you to go through this, but once you are through the trial, you will have a better understanding.
Take heart, my dear beautiful Rachel. You have so much to offer the world. You are one of the sweetest, most tender young women I have ever met, and so easy to love. No wonder Steve fell in love with you. You have many gifts. Ask Heavenly Father to help you recognize them, and keep your eyes open for His hands working in your life. I promise you, with all I know to be true, that you will receive answers, help, and hope.
With love,
Tamara
By
Anonymous, at
8:37 AM
Tamara has passed on her remarkable wisdom to you, and it would be foolish for me to try to surpass it. I hope that the time is not too far off that you will be able to truly "hear" and accept what she is saying to you.
For as much as I would want to, I cannot explain why this process we call life unfolds the way it does. It is both cruel and evil that our "superiors" are at times able to make us feel so insignificant and worthless. I do believe that the Christ enables us to recognize our true worth to our Creator, but keeping that channel open sometimes seems impossible.
I hope that somewhere along the line I was smart enough to put a copy of Desiderata in your hands. If I wasn't, find one to read over and over until the light of its truth dispels the darkness that I know seems almost overwhelming. You are a child of the Universe, nothing less! You have been made in the image of God; only slightly lower than the angels.
There may be a new found use for your Bible in all of this. You may be surprised to find the Psalms both sympathetic and inspiring.
For what comfort may be found in it, I love you more than life itself. When possible, focus upon the love that you and Steve have for each other and the many blessings that surround you. The arrogance of your "boss" infuriates me, but as been wisely said, this too will pass.
By
Anonymous, at
3:49 PM
Post a comment
<< Home