Anxiety

The Calm Before the Storm Before the Calm

In order to make more time to prepare for my Rio class midterms, I've tried to work about two days ahead in my NAU classes. Right now I have completed all homework that is due before Sunday, and it feels pretty good. The nightmares about forgetting to submit something have calmed down a little bit, and despite still spending about three hours a night working on something, I've managed to make time for Scrubs, Desperate Housewives and occasional Party of Five episodes.

I know this serenity probably won't last long. I have seen the syllabi and they still have a grueling second half in store. And although I think the wedding will be lovely, I'm terrible at handling the stresses around it. Mainly, I can't say no to anyone about anything, I get really worried when other people are worried and in the end I just really have no idea how any of it works. Add the job search to this and I'm a tiny bit of a mess.

Luckily, I have a great support system around me who won't let me go too far off the deep end. Case in point, my mom. I told her that after we got married we were just going to spend a summer in Europe. (Those who know me well know that was supposed to be a crazy, malicious threat.) She calmly replied, "You could." And at that moment the wheels in my head started flying around. "You mean I could actually take some time where I'm not working 60 hours a week to do something enjoyable and relaxing?"

Ever since that conversation our "summer in Europe" has been my source of calm. In reality, I'll probably end up spending two days in La Jolla and starting a new job on May 24. But at least for right now, I can pretend that in two months and seven days I have plans to do nothing.

posted by Rachel at 3:35 PM