Anxiety

Now I'm So Ronery

So I have discovered that there at least two distinct ways to feel lonely. The first is simply lack of human contact. The second, the one which I have been experiencing, is being surrounded by people but feeling no connection to them what-so-ever. As I started up my obligations for the school year this week, I realized that I'm not really close to anyone at my work. On top of that, I'm not close to any of my co-FYE-teachers. So after about 30 hours of polite conversation, I still felt a real craving for some kind of human interaction.

Add to this Steve's affair with televised Mets games. I'm not complaining, mind you, because I felt so bad that we weren't able to make it down to see one live, but I do have to admit that there is little deep conversation happening. Usually at commercial breaks we have a little dialogue that goes likes this:

Steve: I should wash some lights.
Me: What?
Steve: What?
Me: I don't know, I thought you...
Steve: I hate the Diamondbacks announcers.
Me: Yeah.
Steve: Mark Grace just called Seo Japanese.
Me: So how was work?
Steve: We're going to be Team SWEARS.
Me: What??
Steve: [no response]

I talked to my friend Paul tonight, which made the situation better and worse. It was great to hear from him, but it was a sad reminder or how greatly my social life has gone down the tubes. I don't know if its Flagstaff or having such a busy schedule or what, but I am not nearly as fun as I used to be. Or at least I don't perceive myself to be as fun as I used to perceive myself to be. ("How am I not myself?" Hilarious!) So I'm going to make it my goal to make this year of college amazingly fun. Or else I'll calculate my GPA and realize its still possible to get a 3.9 and kill myself to get straight As until I graduate and get married an emaciated shell of my former self. I guess only time will tell.

posted by Rachel at 9:26 PM